I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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