when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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