If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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