I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
