those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
