i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
