we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
