I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
