Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
