This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
