so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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