Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
