So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
