the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
