I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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