9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
