I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
