Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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