i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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