I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
