I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
