someone get that fucking seahorse.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
