just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
