I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
