True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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