Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
