Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Small penises have feelings too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
