I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
