Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
