I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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