I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
