ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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