Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
