Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
