dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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