Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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