I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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