I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
