omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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