My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
