if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
