he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
