He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
