The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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