guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
