you lied. pity sex is amazing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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