Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
