Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He felt like a one man threesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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