i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
