did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
